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Change Is Inevitable. Here's How To Handle It.

Change Is Inevitable. Here's How To Handle It.

Dealing With Change

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"When you're feeling unsure about the change in your life, turn to those close to you for a fresh point of view and to help make your change seem more familiar."



Change can be hard. This is especially true for men since they tend to be creatures of habit. Some habits or ruts are comfortable, which is OK, but sometimes a necessary change needs to occur. For that reason, it’s a good idea to understand the process of change. Equipping yourself with the tools to deal with and embrace change will effectively ease difficult transition periods.

Keep in mind that change, even if it is tricky to maneuver, is not always bad. New girlfriends or changes in relationships, new jobs or relocating for a new career are changes that may enrich your life. I’ve outlined some tips on how to accept, deal with and embrace such changes as they come your way. As you read, keep in mind that changes in life mean that you’re growing as a person.

Focus on the good things


When faced with a change that will entirely upset your life, it can be really easy to dwell on all the negative aspects. For instance, moving in with your girlfriend can evoke terrifying images of her sitting around all day in her sweats nagging you, or of not being able to invite the guys over for a boozy game of poker. Instead of focusing on the aspects you won’t like, think of all the great things the change will bring, such as sharing a bed with her, early morning nooky and fresh sheets. Although the move will still be a huge adjustment, you will find yourself more into the idea and ready to embrace the change. The best way to keep on top of this sort of fear is to keep a mental repertoire of the things you look forward to in the change, and pull them out as needed to keep yourself calm and happy. Try to think of new and exciting things to anticipate, and if you’re really in doubt, ask others for help in coming up with them.

Involve those around you in the change


It’s easy to have a one-track mind when you’re faced with a big change. Use your support systems; family and friends are invaluable when it comes to making you realise what a great thing is happening to you. They are able to put a positive spin on the change because they have a whole different perspective on your life and will, therefore, consider elements that you haven’t. So, when you’re feeling unsure about the change in your life, turn to those close to you for a fresh point of view and to help make your change seem more familiar. If you have to move to a new city, ask your friends to help you move there or tour the city with you. These types of activities will make the change feel friendlier, and you’ll look forward to it in no time.

Be open-minded about the change


Chances are that you detest the thought of change because you’re happy with the way things are. You may feel that because you like the way things are now, it’s the only way you’ll ever like them. It’s important to recognise that there are many situations that will make you happy, and sticking to the one that you’re comfortable with might actually cause you to miss out on all the others. Also, be aware that it’s sometimes necessary to relinquish control of your destiny in favor of what falls in your lap.

Dealing with change doesn’t mean you should burn your bridges… Next Page >>

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How To: Be An Optimist

Be An Optimist

Yes Man - Credit: Warner Bros. Pictures


Optimism is good for you. It's good for your health. It can nurture friendships and professional relationships and improve communication skills. Optimism can't -- and shouldn't -- be dictated by the economy or other exterior factors. It should come from an attitude within -- positive reactions that are borne of a philosophical approach to bad news and unfortunate experiences -- and like any skill, it takes time to develop.

What follows are some ways that will help teach you how to be an optimist.

Set boundaries on downers


Paul Stanley from KISS used to say that if you wanted to learn about terrible things and have your spirit crushed, turn on the news. If you wanted a good time, go to a KISS concert. And believe it or not, the man had a point.

Limit your exposure to pessimistic people and heaps upon heaps of upsetting media. The truth is that you can find both in great abundance these days, and they do nothing for your sense of optimism. Try to trim the Debbie Downers out of your life, and choose a single source for news and media and stick to it, as opposed to jumping from site to site and story to story. Doing the latter, one is bound to chronically come across awful stories that, when taken cumulatively, breed pessimism.

Smile more often


It may sound like the tritest advice imaginable, but smiles really do foster optimism. There are even some research studies that, while admittedly remain too subjective for serious scientific consideration, suggest even a “fake it till you make it” approach can actually affect your physiology as well as the physiologies of those around you.

Believe in the best possible outcome


Quite simply, start trying to cultivate a glass-half-full perspective. When reasonable, assume the best possible outcome of events, or at least focus on the most hopeful aspects of a situation. Doing so doesn't make you someone who’s blind to reality; it just provides you with a fresh perspective.

In discussing Ronald Reagan, George Will, writing for the Washington Post, said that optimists, like Reagan, "do not deal in unrealities… [they] create realities that matter -- perceptions, aspirations, allegiances." While it's important to face facts as they are, it's also important to approach them in creative ways and to communicate them accordingly.

Learn to respond constructively


Instead of latching on to the worst aspects, seek out the positives, especially when talking with friends about their personal or professional situations. Turn off knee-jerk “no” reactions, and take active steps toward realizing your goals rather than passively letting things happen to you. Do the same with your friends: When one loses a job, you can commiserate, but you can also remind them of their positive attributes as well as remind them of previous victories in their lives, ones that were redeeming and inspirational. And you can do this without being too Norman Vincent Peale (where “everything is rosy”), through the power of positive thinking.

How to be an optimist continues after the break… Next Page >>

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The Secret Way To Make Sure You Never Get Fired

Skill Development

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"We're talking complementary activities here, like law and accounting, not law and ceramics."



We all want to be great at something. Usain Bolt didn’t end up making cocky gestures at the finish line because he was pretty good at lots of sports, Stephen Hawking hasn’t inspired legions of astrophysicists by working on his haikus and David Copperfield isn’t famous for being a great all-rounder.

So, logically, in the professional world, especially in tough times, it makes sense to get really, really good at what you do. Right?

Wrong. Those in the know (business leaders, recruitment professionals, career coaches) are pushing a new buzzword: cross-train.

What is Professional Cross-Training?


Cross-training has been around in the world of athletics for some time, but the phrase can generally be used to express how the combination of two activities produces an improvement -- an interaction effect -- substantially greater than either one can produce on its own. We’re talking complementary activities here, like law and accounting, not law and ceramics. Think about how diet and exercise, when combined, are substantially more effective for weight loss than either diet or exercise alone (or diet and Sudoku combined).
There are two types of cross-training: the kind that you pursue yourself, like learning a new language or getting tech-savvy, and in-company development kind, which could include things like job rotation or management training. Essentially, this means any training geared toward helping you expand your scope of knowledge and skills beyond the confines of your own professional discipline.

If you’re a journalist, learning photography would be an effective compliment. If you’re a yoga teacher, then dance or meditation might be useful. A business consultant might consider picking up skills like public speaking, social media proficiency or HR negotiations.

Why Cross-Train?


The experts agree that if time is scarce, it’s better to learn a new skill than build on the ones you already have. In most fields, honing complementary skills is just as valuable, if not more so, than delving more deeply into the area in which you’re most competent. Having many areas of expertise instead of just one will make you seem like a more well-rounded employee and more useful to have in the office if extra work needs to be done or someone is needed to cover another employee’s tasks. For example, in many cases, the guy who is comfortable with technology, communications and client relations is more useful than the guy who is just an IT whiz.

In addition, the more skills you possess, the more your expertise is apparent and accessible to colleagues and management. Cross-training promotes versatility, giving you the edge in a dynamic economy, where layoffs and belt-tightening mean that fewer employees need to know how to do more. Building new strengths is more important, they say, than improving on known weaknesses -- unless you’re training for the Olympics.

How do you start a skill-development program? That's next... Next Page >>

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Why You Need A Big Ego To Be A Good Leader

Bosses & Big Egos

Jacques Louis-David/Wikipedia



"The result showed that narcissistic bosses are better leaders than the average humble guy."



It's a new year, and a new you. So if you've tended to think of yourself as humble, maybe it's time to make a change, according to a new study.

Having a huge ego, a need for attention and being an overall narcissist doesn’t sound like a trio of compliments but shows that those qualities can make you a good leader, found the study.

A quartet of professors from IMD business school, Penn State, and Erlangen-Nuremberg University found that the aforementioned qualities tend to lead to innovation and daring decision-making.

The professors doing the research examined how 78 CEOs and 33 major American pharmaceutical companies did in the biotech boom from 1980 to 2008. They accounted for narcissism by measuring how often the CEOs’ photos were found in annual reports, how frequently they were mentioned in press releases and their overall compensation compared to the person second in command.

Then the professors evaluated how fast and intensely the CEOs had adapted to the rise of biotechnology.

The result showed that narcissistic bosses are better leaders than the average humble guy. That’s because they tend to see a shot at glory where others might see excessive risk, and that aggression to make a move is where the narcissists are more rewarding to their companies.

More on AskMen:

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Why It's Actually Good To Be A Workaholic

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If You Like Football & Women, You Need To Read This

Girlfriends & Football

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  • Nothing gets people invested in a sport more than a friendly wager.

  • Make her look the part with her own feminine jersey.

  • Buy beer for you, but whip up girly cocktails for her.


"Money, as a wise man once noted, is a wonderful motivator."



PillsburyThis article is sponsored in part by Pillsbury (What's this?) 

Want to throw a party your friends will be looking forward to every year? Learn the recipes, entertaining tips and sports facts you need to make it happen with our guide to The Ultimate Game Day.

There are few things that divide the sexes quite like football. To most men, the game is a borderline religious experience, while to many women, it’s 60 minutes of unabashed violence punctuated by quaint little committee meetings. So, how do you mend the gender divide and convince your girlfriend to actually watch a game with you? The answer is easier than you may think. Simply follow our suggestions below to get your significant other interested in -- or at least, willing to accept -- America’s most popular spectator sport.

Sign her up for a football pool


Money, as a wise man once noted, is a wonderful motivator. Prompt your girlfriend to take an active interest in the game by signing her up for a football pool. Once she puts her money on the line she’ll have extra motivation to keep track of what’s going on. Who knows, her strategy of selecting the team with the prettiest colors and cutest animals may even pay off.

Buy her a feminine-cut official jersey


Every woman loves to dress up. Make your girlfriend feel like part of the game by buying her a jersey. Unlike the billowy uniforms of old, there are a wide range of jerseys featuring flattering feminine cuts and pink hues. These attractive new designs have made women's apparel football’s fastest-growing apparel business.

Make girly drinks during the game


Let’s face it: You’d probably watch a 12-hour chick flick marathon if you consumed enough beer; the same is true of your girlfriend. If you keep her plied with enough Cosmopolitans and Fuzzy Navels, she won’t mind what’s on the tube!

Draw her in with colorful gossip


Your girlfriend will never become interested in football if you begin by explaining the intricacies of the Over/Under 4-3 defense. Instead, draw her in by regaling her with stories about ongoing feuds and off-field relationship news. If you present the stories in the guise of hot gossip you’ll be sure to pique her interest.

Throw the football around with her


Does your girlfriend think a quarterback is a refund? Give her a better appreciation of the greatest sport in the world by tossing around the pigskin in your backyard. This simple and fun activity will allow her to better relate to the action on the field and it will give you the opportunity to explain some of the tenets of the game in a way she can easily grasp.

Our final tips on how to get her to like football...
Next Page >>

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The Scarlett Letters: Dating 101

Credit: Getty Images



"I locked myself in the bathroom for an hour just to escape his simpering strumming. I mean, who takes themselves that seriously? (answer: plenty of you. Stop it.)"



Scarlett Russell is one of Britain's best young magazine writers. She's also here to help navigate you through the potentially choppy dating and relationship waters as a new AskMen Columnist. Although, as she admits, we all have plenty to learn...

I'll be honest, when I was first approached to write this column I was fairly alarmed. Dating? Relationships? Men in general? None of these are my Mastermind topic of expertise.

As a women's magazine writer I've spent the past three years writing a section entitled, Men, Sex and Love (essentially: me asking psychologists, male friends and unassuming strangers on the street how the male psyche – and their sex lives – operate).

I've listened to endless rants from disgruntled girlfriends about their other halves, dissected male behaviour with colleagues and friends for hours in feature meetings and wine-fuelled nights out, I’ve even worked with 25 blokes on a men’s magazine. Really, I should be a f**king expert on men. Yet, you never cease to amaze, surprise and shock me on a weekly basis.

This isn't necessarily a bad thing. A lovely ex-boyfriend once picked me up from work with a bunch of flowers, completely un-prompted, as he “just knew” I'd been having a hellish work week. The flowers weren't the focus, of course. It was that he'd thought about me, considered my feelings and wanted to cheer me up (guys, take note: we love this).

On the flip side, I’ve also been left stumped when a guy hasn’t called, when he’s gone all distant after a few weeks of romance and, once, left solely to foot the dinner bill after a first date. “This is embarrassing,” he mumbled, wholly unconvincingly. “I’ve, er, left my wallet at home. I swear this has never happened.” “No worries,” I thought. “How embarrassing for him! We’ve all been there!” When what I should of course have been thinking was: “What sort of mindless buffoon would ask a girl out and leave his damn wallet at home? Is he that honestly that stupid? I let it slide, there was a pleasant goodbye and I never heard from the guy again. No phone call, apology or explanation.

Then – and this story still amuses my friends at length – there was Singing Man, an aspiring songwriter (sweet Jesus, this should’ve been my first clue) who insisted on breaking into earnest ballad whenever more than six seconds of silence would pass. This tuneless dirge would arrive without request, encouragement or remote interest from my part. On one supposed romantic weekend away, Singing Man proudly brandished a guitar from his car boot with the glee of a fisherman who’s just caught a prize cod. I locked myself in the bathroom for an hour just to escape his simpering strumming. I mean, who takes themselves that seriously? (answer: plenty of you. Stop it.) It was beyond uncomfortable. Gents, please note: it is only ever acceptable to serenade us if you are a) in a legitimate, signed band or b) you are Ryan Gosling. (That scene of him playing the banjo in Blue Valentine floors us. Sorry, but it does.)

Don’t get me wrong, men can be pretty great - and I’m lucky enough to remain friends with some gorgeous, funny men I’ve dated. And I know that women are not always measured, balanced and understanding saints. One mate, Dan*, actually had to ring his girlfriend every hour on a night out because she was so mistrustful about who he was (completely innocently) drinking with. Another, Ed*, was set up on a blind date. She arrived 20 minutes late, with no apology, and demanded they move bars so she could be closer to where her mates were hanging out.

There are dating disasters across the board. And I’m here to share my - and my willing friend’s – dating stories, whilst hoping to somehow explain the peculiarities of male and female behaviour. But for now, I am sure of one thing only. We will never truly understand each other. And to that I say: ‘Hallelujah!’ Long may we continue to amaze, surprise and shock each other on a weekly basis. Because isn’t that half the thrill of dating anyway?

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Valentine's Day Myths Revealed

Valentine's Day Myths

Valentine's Day Myths Revealed - Credit: iStockphoto.com


Yes, it's that time of year again. Love is in the air and so are lovey-dovey images of hearts, flowers, candy, and cupid.

While a few of you may actually relish this time of year, most of you are probably confused as to what your girl expects of you. After all, Valentine's Day is when she's waiting to be pampered and, like it or not, she may even be using the day to test your interest in her.

However, don't let the pressure get you down. Along with the stress also comes an invaluable opportunity to impress her. A quick review of the following Valentine's Day myths might surprise you -- they may even burst some of your long-held beliefs about the holiday. So, read on and you'll be in good shape to minimise your effort and maximise the advantages that Valentine's Day can afford you.

Myth No. 1


It's OK to skip Valentine's Day


Why this is false: She might realise that it's a hyped-up day, but that won't get you off the hook completely. She'll see her friends going on dates and wonder why you aren't stepping up to the plate.

What to do instead: You can keep Valentine's Day low-key and celebrate it in your own way. Plan an activity that you both enjoy and declare it your own celebration -- like ice skating or hiking. Any activity that you do together will show her that you gave the day some thought.

Myth No. 2


You have to celebrate on February 14th
Why this is false: No one says you have to celebrate on the same day as everyone else -- that's so conventional.

What to do instead: Pick another day in the week to plan your date and declare that day your own personal Valentine's Day. Places will be less crowded and you won't be made to feel like another sheep in the crowd. She won't care when you celebrate as long as she sees you've put some thought into it. She may even appreciate mixing it up.

More Valentine's Day myths revealed next...


Heineken® is helping ignite romance this Valentine’s Day with the launch of a fun new Facebook application called ‘The Serenade’. To start serenading click here: www.Facebook.com/Heineken Next Page >>

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