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The Scarlett Letters: Dating 101

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"I locked myself in the bathroom for an hour just to escape his simpering strumming. I mean, who takes themselves that seriously? (answer: plenty of you. Stop it.)"



Scarlett Russell is one of Britain's best young magazine writers. She's also here to help navigate you through the potentially choppy dating and relationship waters as a new AskMen Columnist. Although, as she admits, we all have plenty to learn...

I'll be honest, when I was first approached to write this column I was fairly alarmed. Dating? Relationships? Men in general? None of these are my Mastermind topic of expertise.

As a women's magazine writer I've spent the past three years writing a section entitled, Men, Sex and Love (essentially: me asking psychologists, male friends and unassuming strangers on the street how the male psyche – and their sex lives – operate).

I've listened to endless rants from disgruntled girlfriends about their other halves, dissected male behaviour with colleagues and friends for hours in feature meetings and wine-fuelled nights out, I’ve even worked with 25 blokes on a men’s magazine. Really, I should be a f**king expert on men. Yet, you never cease to amaze, surprise and shock me on a weekly basis.

This isn't necessarily a bad thing. A lovely ex-boyfriend once picked me up from work with a bunch of flowers, completely un-prompted, as he “just knew” I'd been having a hellish work week. The flowers weren't the focus, of course. It was that he'd thought about me, considered my feelings and wanted to cheer me up (guys, take note: we love this).

On the flip side, I’ve also been left stumped when a guy hasn’t called, when he’s gone all distant after a few weeks of romance and, once, left solely to foot the dinner bill after a first date. “This is embarrassing,” he mumbled, wholly unconvincingly. “I’ve, er, left my wallet at home. I swear this has never happened.” “No worries,” I thought. “How embarrassing for him! We’ve all been there!” When what I should of course have been thinking was: “What sort of mindless buffoon would ask a girl out and leave his damn wallet at home? Is he that honestly that stupid? I let it slide, there was a pleasant goodbye and I never heard from the guy again. No phone call, apology or explanation.

Then – and this story still amuses my friends at length – there was Singing Man, an aspiring songwriter (sweet Jesus, this should’ve been my first clue) who insisted on breaking into earnest ballad whenever more than six seconds of silence would pass. This tuneless dirge would arrive without request, encouragement or remote interest from my part. On one supposed romantic weekend away, Singing Man proudly brandished a guitar from his car boot with the glee of a fisherman who’s just caught a prize cod. I locked myself in the bathroom for an hour just to escape his simpering strumming. I mean, who takes themselves that seriously? (answer: plenty of you. Stop it.) It was beyond uncomfortable. Gents, please note: it is only ever acceptable to serenade us if you are a) in a legitimate, signed band or b) you are Ryan Gosling. (That scene of him playing the banjo in Blue Valentine floors us. Sorry, but it does.)

Don’t get me wrong, men can be pretty great - and I’m lucky enough to remain friends with some gorgeous, funny men I’ve dated. And I know that women are not always measured, balanced and understanding saints. One mate, Dan*, actually had to ring his girlfriend every hour on a night out because she was so mistrustful about who he was (completely innocently) drinking with. Another, Ed*, was set up on a blind date. She arrived 20 minutes late, with no apology, and demanded they move bars so she could be closer to where her mates were hanging out.

There are dating disasters across the board. And I’m here to share my - and my willing friend’s – dating stories, whilst hoping to somehow explain the peculiarities of male and female behaviour. But for now, I am sure of one thing only. We will never truly understand each other. And to that I say: ‘Hallelujah!’ Long may we continue to amaze, surprise and shock each other on a weekly basis. Because isn’t that half the thrill of dating anyway?

12:48 | Posted in , | Read More �

Valentine's Day Myths Revealed

Valentine's Day Myths

Valentine's Day Myths Revealed - Credit: iStockphoto.com


Yes, it's that time of year again. Love is in the air and so are lovey-dovey images of hearts, flowers, candy, and cupid.

While a few of you may actually relish this time of year, most of you are probably confused as to what your girl expects of you. After all, Valentine's Day is when she's waiting to be pampered and, like it or not, she may even be using the day to test your interest in her.

However, don't let the pressure get you down. Along with the stress also comes an invaluable opportunity to impress her. A quick review of the following Valentine's Day myths might surprise you -- they may even burst some of your long-held beliefs about the holiday. So, read on and you'll be in good shape to minimise your effort and maximise the advantages that Valentine's Day can afford you.

Myth No. 1


It's OK to skip Valentine's Day


Why this is false: She might realise that it's a hyped-up day, but that won't get you off the hook completely. She'll see her friends going on dates and wonder why you aren't stepping up to the plate.

What to do instead: You can keep Valentine's Day low-key and celebrate it in your own way. Plan an activity that you both enjoy and declare it your own celebration -- like ice skating or hiking. Any activity that you do together will show her that you gave the day some thought.

Myth No. 2


You have to celebrate on February 14th
Why this is false: No one says you have to celebrate on the same day as everyone else -- that's so conventional.

What to do instead: Pick another day in the week to plan your date and declare that day your own personal Valentine's Day. Places will be less crowded and you won't be made to feel like another sheep in the crowd. She won't care when you celebrate as long as she sees you've put some thought into it. She may even appreciate mixing it up.

More Valentine's Day myths revealed next...


Heineken® is helping ignite romance this Valentine’s Day with the launch of a fun new Facebook application called ‘The Serenade’. To start serenading click here: www.Facebook.com/Heineken Next Page >>

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How A Single Guy Can Score On Valentine's Day

Score On Valentine's Day

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Click here for more on The Player's Guide and learn how to seduce the ladies.



"The holidays are over, the dreary winter days will stick around for a while, and when happy couples are on full display on Valentine's Day, it's the final straw."



Want to know how to score on Valentine's Day? Throughout the country, hordes of lonely women are without a partner for the day that celebrates love and togetherness, but it’s a special kind of lonely. It’s a state of aloneness that’s mired in sensations of long-term concern, tinged with a dash of good old-fashioned self-doubt. The holidays are over, the dreary winter days will stick around for a while, and when happy couples are on full display on Valentine's Day, it’s the final straw. Granted, many single men are suffering as well, but it just seems to hit the females harder. This being the case, if a guy wants to know how to score on Valentine's Day and wishes to pick up one of these down-and-out ladies, it’s going to be one of the most challenging excursions of the year. But you have a few advantages. In many ways, she simply detests the idea of spending Valentine’s Day alone, and even if you’re not exactly on a date, you can be there for her. At the very least, she’s not alone, and of course, neither are you.

Furthermore, you may realize that Valentine's Day falls on a weekday this year, which means you may have to change things up a bit. The traditional pick-up locales -- bars and clubs -- may not be a hot spot on this evening, so perhaps it’s best to widen your search radius. Some women might opt to spend the day shopping, for example, so the malls could present some surprising possibilities. But no matter how you look at, Valentine’s Day isn’t a typical day of the year. This one is only for the veterans, kiddies.

Know Who You're Dealing With


As previously outlined, there are two types of women you will typically encounter when out and about on Valentine’s Day -- one is depressed and moody while the other puts on a brave face and heads out to secure a night of meaningless passion. Now, while it may be possible to get that sweaty, vice-filled night with both types of chicks, the approach is crucial for one while the departure is important for the other. Clearly, the hot-to-trot cutie is an easier target, but you must remember this persona is likely only temporary. If you hang on too long, you could suffer the long-term consequences. But you can’t possibly ignore the fact that Valentine’s Day is one of only 365 days when a lot of lonely women would love nothing more than a quick fling… if only to stave off depression. It’s a golden opportunity.

Speaking of depression, there’s the other kind of lady, the one who can’t find the brave face and would much rather succumb to moodiness. For her, the approach matters most; you absolutely cannot represent her male savior. As desperate as she may be to find him, you’re not the “one,” and you need to make that clear.

What you are, however, is a companion for the evening. In fact, you could even play the “take care of each other” card by simply offering to keep each other company on the loneliest night of the year for single individuals. Of course, the first step is confirming the target is single, but provided you’re not hitting up a woman waiting on her date at a romantic restaurant, you should be able to manage.

It’s just another day


This outlook will work with just about every woman, regardless of what they’re feeling. February 14th is just another day of the year, and simply because it celebrates love doesn’t mean the world stops turning for bachelors and bachelorettes. If you treat it as such and put this view on display, you will probably get a positive response from single women… and a lot of dirty looks from committed couples. It’s a battle out there, and we must realize that couples and singles are at odds on Valentine’s Day; one group despises the other for a 24-hour span, as bizarre as that sounds. Saying “oh, it’s just another day” will be insulting for the blissful twosome, but it’s exactly what the all-by-my-lonesome female wants to hear. Obviously, there’s always the possibility of failure if you take the concept too far. It’s fine to be in a good mood and shrug off the lack of a significant other, but you shouldn’t cast aspersions on the holiday by being too “loud and proud.” The couples can have their day and you won’t begrudge them that. But on the other hand, you’re not a bad person for being single… and neither is she. “Ah, Valentine’s Day, Shmalentine’s Day,” but don’t go overboard.

More on how to score on Valentine's Day...

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The Scarlett Letters: How To Do Valentine's

The Scarlett Letters - Credit: Getty Images



"Even if you think she's not bothered about Valentine's Day, make some effort. If you've just started dating, dinner is fine. Long-term girlfriends need a little more consideration."



This Tuesday, as couples everywhere gaze at each other across a dimly-lit table, or snuggle up on a sofa, where will I be? At the theatre with my boss. And my Mum. It’s not the ideal way to spend Valentine’s Day if I’m honest.

On the other hand, said boss and Mum are awesome so it will actually, probably, be a laugh. And, without wishing to sound like a bitter singleton, Valentine’s Day is overrated, isn’t it? As one male friend aptly stated; “I couldn’t really care less, but I’m happy to play along to keep her happy. Plus, you’re pretty much guaranteed to see some exciting new underwear.” Quite.

So, what’s expected of men-folk on supposedly the most romantic day of the year? I’m afraid it’s a bit of a minefield and really depends on the lady in question. I’m sure there are some girls who do go in for bigger, lavish acts of kindness from their men. For me and basically all the girls I know, we’re not that bothered. But, the day has to be at least acknowledged, no matter how little or long you’ve been together. My best friend, Cat, summarised it perfectly; “It’s not about spending, but caring. Like mending a broken necklace or baking a cake. Making a card is always a winner. Something stupid is fine; just make it personal.” A female colleague maintains that a card is, “non-negotiable. A £2 way to avoid a row. Whether we’ve been going out two months or two years I’d always expect a card.” Personally, I couldn’t care less about a card. I just imagine some weary bloke searching aimlessly in Clinton’s for one that conveys ‘just the right’ meaning, when I’d much rather he scrapped it and cooked me a delicious dinner instead. And maybe bought flowers too. Personal, intimate, romantic – minus the pressure.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had lovely Valentine’s Days in the past. My ex, Mike, took me to a gorgeous little Greek (my favourite food) restaurant last year. Back at his flat were a huge bunch of flowers. It wasn’t pretentious, just really sweet. In a more extravagant fashion, the guy before him treated me to a pampering night in a five-star London hotel. I’d only been dating Jay a couple of months, so would never expect anything so generous, but loved that he’d made such an effort. And it’s not always up to the man. A mate of mine is taking her boyfriend to Cirque de Soleil this year.

My advice? Even if you think she’s not bothered about Valentine’s Day, make some effort. If you’ve just started dating, dinner is fine. Long-term girlfriends need a little more consideration. She’ll love something sweet, thoughtful and personal. A carriage ride through Hyde Park, poems or a man-sized bear holding a I Wuv You heart would all fall into the ‘over-the-top’ category. Having said that, Mike once gave me a bear of exactly that description - but it was given with total irony and I found it hilarious (who says women are complicated?!)

My most memorable Valentine’s ever was at university. A bloke I’d just started seeing planned to come over for a romantic night in. In a clumsy attempt to seduce the guy, I knocked over a candle and my duvet set alight. It was actually a few moments before we realised what was going on. Mid-kiss, he leapt up erratically, like a startled horse that’d just been given an electric shock. Standing in my underwear chucking cold water over my sheets at 1am was, I have to say, something of a romance-killer. But, very funny.


Heineken® is helping ignite romance this Valentine’s Day with the launch of a fun new Facebook application called ‘The Serenade’. To start serenading click here: www.Facebook.com/Heineken

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"The Nicest Thing Anyone's Ever Done For Me On Valentine's..."

auremar - Fotolia.com


Valentine's Day comes loaded with pressure to keep your partner happy. To ease some of the confusion, we took to the streets of London to ask these ladies,

"What is the nicest thing anyone's ever done for you on Valentine's Day?"



With no box of chocolates or diamond jewellery to be heard of, the results might relieve (or terrify) you.

Emily
29, Web Producer
"One year my boyfriend duped me into thinking we weren’t doing anything for V-Day, and when we got back to his place, he’d sprinkled the bed with rose petals and got me a cute little personalised gift. I don’t think I’d got him anything, poor boy!"

Becky
26, Office Manager
"My best Valentine's Day was my first one with my boyfriend. We'd been been dating for 6 months - when I came home from work he'd set up a candle-lit scavenger hunt that eventually led me to my main present, an iPod Nano. It must've worked because we've been together 6 years now!"

Amelia
32, Creative Director  
"I was at work a couple of years ago when a singer-gram came in and sung to me at my desk in front of the whole office. It was a little embarrassing at the time, but equally very cool as I love anything theatrical. He left a bouquet of flowers and an invitation to an unknown address for that evening. A taxi picked me up from work and whisked me away to this venue where he had a candle-lit table waiting for me. The whole night was magical although I was a bit embarrassed about how much effort he’d been to. Made my card look pretty rubbish in comparison!"

Maya
30, PR Executive
"The best thing my (now) husband ever did for me on Valentine's Day was when he proposed. We were in Rome, eating pizza, drinking wine. He pretended to drop his napkin, popped down on one knee and then handed me my engagement ring. It's going to be really difficult for him to top that!"


Heineken® is helping ignite romance this Valentine’s Day with the launch of a fun new Facebook application called ‘The Serenade’. To start serenading click here: http://www.facebook.com/heineken?sk=app_137291299679912

12:48 | Posted in , | Read More �

4 steps to get that hot girl


A daunting task for any man, but it's not as impossible as you think - you just need to know how to play the game .THE ART OF bagging seem­ingly unattainable women has been an obsession of men for centuries, but in recent years, the popularity of books like Neil Strauss' diary/man­ual The Game has kicked the business of pick-up education into a higher gear.

So you've read the theory; but can you teach an awk­ward, nervous nerd how to zero in on a beautiful target and get her back to his bou­doir in a matter of hours? Vicky Kalwani is a Mumbai-based banker by day, dating expert by night, who offers private classes on how tosnare smoking-hot ladies without taking on a bank loan or a personal trainer. He gives us some of his top tips. 

1. THE APPROACH 
Don't face a woman straight on; it's too direct. Try walk­ing past her sideways and then turning to speak. Forget rehearsing funny one-liners; start with a very boring ques­tion - something she can't fail to answer - like asking the time. Immediately follow the line with a joke (that can be rehearsed). Then you're in conversation, but it's not an obvious routine. 

2. THE CHAT 
The most important thing once you're in a conversa­tion is for her to get cues of acceptance from others. If she's in a group, make sure you spend time getting along with the guys. Get her used to having some physical contact with you, but don't be clingy. Touch her hand and then push her away jokingly. The hotter the girl, the more you'll need to gently make fun of her. Gorgeous women are used to having men fawning over them constant­ly, so you want to be a little elusive - make her chase you. 

3. THE DATE 
When trying to get a date, remember it's a numbers game. If you approach 10 girls in a night, you're likely to have success with one or two. Don't read too much into rejection; there are plenty of women out there better suit­ed to you. When you do get a girl's number, make a plan and invite her - this gives her the option of a simple yes or no. When you're on the date, don't wait until the end to make physical contact or move in for a kiss. If she's really interested, an early kiss will actually relieve the ten­sion instead of building it up to a big moment at the end of the night.

4. THE CLOSE 
 If you think things are going very well, tell her you're both going back to your place/ her place (whichever is more comfortable). That means she can go along with it without even needing to say yes - or dismiss the idea if she's not interested. It puts less pres­sure on her. If you're plan­ning to go back to your place, remove the clocks from the room you'll be hanging out in and invest in a good carpet. Most of all, be as cool as you can be. No one likes a guy who's too eager. ©

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Date With Nicole Scherzinger

She'll probalbly Forgive you for stumbling over her name— just blame it on all thoseconsonants. Truth is, Pussycat Dolls star (and solo artist) Nicole Scherzinger's particular hotitude is the kind that should leave any red-blooded dude dumbstruck. After torching reality TV with the Dancing With the Stars (pretend you didn't watch, that's cool), she ordered us around, singing "Don't Hold Your Breath"! We couldn't help but hold it for this hot stunner. Summer is truly here. 

You're on reality TV, you're in your own music videos, you're in our minds, you're everywhere. Are you gonna take your music career in a direction following one of these, like that dancing show? 
Maybe bust out the fox trot onstage? A rumba single on your next album? Hmmm, the fox trot? I don't know about that! But you never know; I do like to mix it up.Ballroom dancing is a different kind of sexy than the, uh, writhing that goes on when the Pussycats perform.Yeah, it's definitely more cerebral. Usually I allow the music to take me, so it's been kind of interesting to be like, "One and two, one and two." But I think there's something sexy about a woman who's in control of her body in every way. 

But when you're doing your own thing onstage, you completely let yourself go?Yeah, I transport to another place. I don't know what my body is gonna do. I just listen to what the music tells me and kind of blank out. I turn into a beast.Say we're in a club.

Can a guy dance like nobody's watching? Would ft catch your eye? 
Uh, that might scare me. Sometimes guys take it too far when they're dancing. I'd be like, "OK, dude. You need to settle down and have some control." 

What's going on with the Pussycat Dolls?A couple of the girls have left the group, but I'm still the lead singer, and I'm still working on music right now. I think the next single will be under my name.Your boyfriend is F1 racer Lewis Hamilton, one of the best drivers in the world. 

What does he think of your skills behind the wheel? 
He's more afraid when he's with me and I'm driving than he is during a race. He gives me pointers, but at the end of the day he's like, "Babe, you're driving with your knees!" I'm doing my make-up, changing the radio... I guess it's appropriate that I just did a song with Slash and Alice Cooper called "Baby Can't Drive."

And when Lewis is driving... how fast have you gone? 
Let's just say that neither of us would be allowed near a car again if we had been pulled over. It was in Switzerland.

Got any girl crushes?Halle Berry. She's just naturally gorgeous... I love her smile. Wait, I sound like a dude; I've got to snap out of it!You grew up in Kentucky, but you were born in Hawaii. 

What traditions do you keep? 
I'm just a down-home Southern girl. I love making chicken and dumplings and Kentucky Derby pie. And from Hawaii I've got a love for paddle surfing. I love visiting family in both places. See, even if I just talk about my family my dialect changes—I go from a Southern dialect to Hawaiian pidgin.Your family are strict Catholics. 

What do they think of your sexed-up lyrics?My family's been great. My grandfather's a priest, and even he has a huge photo of the Pussycat Dolls framed. But there have been moments. When I first recorded "Don't Cha," I went home and left an uncensored version of the demo in my mom's car. [Editor's note: Lyrics include "I know you should be fucking with me."] I heard about that. 

Any hidden talents? 
 Nunchuck ninja skills. That's all I'm sayin'.Whaf s the lamest thing we'd find on your iPod?I'd like to say I don't have lame music. But maybe one of my lamest songs would be one of my own! I have demos on my iPod that are unfinished sketches; some just don't make sense yet. 

What music puts you in the mood?
Massive Attack, Marvin Gaye, Robin Thicke, or Prince. 

Do you hit the clubs much or stay in? 
Honestly, I don't really do the "go out" thing. If I want to get really crazy, I have game night.So we should come over with a stack of board games?Yeah. Bring over Balderdash, some Robin Thicke, a bottle of vino, and it's on.

Can you two go anywhere without being noticed? 
No. We went to South Africa and saw this head of a tribe wearing an animal he had just killed or something. He was like, "Ahhh! Are you Nicole Scherzinger?" I was like, are you kidding me? How do you know my name? And hearing this German name come out of him—it was amazing!

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Seduce Her With Your Fingers

Let your fingers do the talking with massage.

Stand up. Look down. You will see an appendage of amazing erotic ability dangling at waist level — your hand. Use it to massage your mate when she says she wants intimacy and doesn't necessarily mean sex. A massage is romance you can understand. It's practical. And it almost always leads to sex. Start with a good massage oil such as Neal's Yard Remedies Ginger & Juniper Warming Oil ($15 for 1.7 fluid ounces nyr-usa.com) or Naturopathica Arnica Muscle and Joint Massage and Body Oil ($28 for 4 fluid ounces, naturopathica.com). Avoid mineral or baby oils because they are absorbed too quickly into the skin. Don't forget to rub your hands together to warm them before applying the massage oil and the following techniques:

1) Stroke toward the heart.
That means when you're working on her legs, stroke upward. On the arms, stroke downward.

2) Ease in with effleurage.
The French are experts at more than retreating. They know their massage. Effleurage is a simple stroke for loosening her up. It's a light, long rhythmic stroke that generally runs with the grain of the muscle. On her legs, for example, use your cupped palms and gently glide upward. On her back, flatten your hands and broaden your strokes.

3) Play with petrissage.
This circular stroke is designed to squeeze the muscles and wring out tension from the shoulders, upper arms, legs, and buttocks. Use both hands to work the muscles in opposite directions: when stroking her thighs, for example, move one palm away from you as you slide it forward, and move the other toward you.

4) Roll your thumbs.
This is best for working on tension knots. Use your thumbs, one after the other, to press into her flesh, sometimes moving circularly and other times just holding pressure on one point. Lean your weight into it.

07:07 | Posted in , , , , | Read More �

Chucks Yvonne StrahovsKi explains

Chucks Yvonne StrahovsKi explains

When it comes to men, the karate-kicking actress charged with protecting the geeky title character on NBC's Chuck admits to having fallen for more than a few guys with nerdy sides. "It's endearing," she says. Here are six more qualities she looks for in a mate, jamie malanowski

NO GAMES

"I like a man who lays it all on the line and says exactly what is on his mind. I'm very upfront about what I want, and I have no patience for a guy who beats around the bush."

GETS DIRTY

"I'm one of those one-with-nature people. Usually, the dirtier I get, the more fun I'm having, and I like a guy who feels the same."

HAS THE TOUCH

"He has to know how to grab me. Nothing's sexier than a confident guy who isn't afraid to dive into the physical and who knows what to do with a woman's body."

WORKS HIS OWN STYLE

"It's important for a man to have a sense of fashion. Not that he always dresses up, but that he has his own sense of style. Clothes reveal a person's character."



ROCKS THE APRON

"A guy once came over in the morning with groceries and proceeded to cook me breakfast. I loved that he had the confidence to come over and take charge."

THE DEAL BREAKERS



Smoking and drugs. I want somebody who wants to be high on life and nothing else."


12:07 | Posted in | Read More �

Keys to A hotter and longer Life

Keys To A Hotter and Longer Lasting Love Life: Sed quis velit fermentum nisi viverra commodo. Donec purus arcu, vestibulum a vehicula a, vestibulum ut tortor. Proin condime ntum condimentum nunc ut blandit. Duis congue tincidunt vestibulum. Nulla vitae massa odio, et tincidunt nulla. Praesent auctor aliquam ligula at consequat. In eu quam id purus mattis aliquam vitae eget mi. Donec quis eros libero, eget rutrum ligula. Nulla at metus quam.

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