An Institution of Higher Yearning
Connie Nielsen: An Institution of Higher Yearning You may not recognize the name, but you may recognize the face (and the body). The Danish actress seduced Keanu Reeves in The Devil's Advocate and Russell Crowe in Gladiator. Here she provides cinematic advice to spice up a real-life romance
I do not care about looks.
I do not care about career.
I do not care about anything as long as you are happy with what you are doing. If you're a lazy bastard and you're happy being a lazy bastard, then by all means..."
— Connie Nielsen
So says Connie Nielsen who also seduces Renata, the owner of a strip club in Harold Ramis' new film, The Ice Harvest.
"I play the classic femme fatale," she says Nielsen. "My character is very mysterious, but I show the way the wheels are turning in her head, which gives a little bit of a comic effect, as well."
I do not care about career.
I do not care about anything as long as you are happy with what you are doing. If you're a lazy bastard and you're happy being a lazy bastard, then by all means..."
— Connie Nielsen
So says Connie Nielsen who also seduces Renata, the owner of a strip club in Harold Ramis' new film, The Ice Harvest.
"I play the classic femme fatale," she says Nielsen. "My character is very mysterious, but I show the way the wheels are turning in her head, which gives a little bit of a comic effect, as well."
We asked Nielsen, 40—who lives with her boyfriend, Metallica drummer and fellow Dane Lars Ulrich—how a mere mortal man can make a woman like her happy. She explains.
Don't be scared
That whole thing with fear of commitment is old. With European guys, I never hear this thing "fear of commitment." I didn't hear that until I came to America. Maybe it's because in America the commitment is so set in stone: You get married, you move into the suburbs, you buy a car and have dogs. It does not have to be that. It can be something else. Even in the midst of all this Bible thumping and warmongering, and all these old-fashioned so-called family values, you can so totally choose to make your life the way you want it.
Confess, repent, and beg forgiveness
And if you've done nothing wrong, confess, repent, and beg forgiveness for everything everybody else has done before you met her.
Reassure her that you're in no way like every other man
Whenever your friends say, "Let's go and see a ball game," pretend you don't want to go with them but they are forcing you. That in reality you are that one sensitive guy who somehow gets along with all the insensitive guys. That you have to be there to help them out, because think of the trouble they would get in with their wives if you weren't. That makes you the good guy.
Never buy a pre-made bouquet of flowers
Go to the florist and select the flowers that you actually like.
Don't be her savior
I don't think that it's right for a woman to expect a man to be able to take care of shit if she's not able to take care of her own shit. You know, go out and get your f---ing career—I'm talking to women—take care of yourself, pay your own bills, and stop looking for some guy who's going to do it for you. And that will probably change a lot of the "fear of commitment" thing.
Stick together
If you travel a lot, then you should find somebody who has absolutely no job and can travel with you. Not being together is the recipe for not having a relationship. Sooner or later, it's not going to work, unless you find somebody who doesn't need love and affection. And if she doesn't need love and affection, I'd worry about other things.
When your mother calls, try to sound happy
When her mother calls, try to sound ecstatic.
Surprise her
For an ideal date, take her to do something she's never done before. That can be anything from a boxing match to mud wrestling to some classical Greek theatrical music that no one has ever played before. But preferably it should be something you know something about. Also, at least one dinner out a week. That's a must.
Disagree
Whenever she says, "Oh, look at my arms" or "Look at my legs," or if she says she has a fat ass, never say it's true. You never, ever say, "I don't care." You never ever say, "I know, but you can work on it." And you don't say it doesn't matter to you. You say you love tallness, you love skinniness, you love big noses, small noses—whatever it is she's got a problem with; you say you just happen to be a guy who loves that very thing she thinks is horrible. And if it's not true, then lie.
Make her feel beautiful, and she will become beautiful
There's nothing like being loved and cared for to make a woman feel beautiful. And a woman who doesn't appreciate that—let her go.
Don't be scared
That whole thing with fear of commitment is old. With European guys, I never hear this thing "fear of commitment." I didn't hear that until I came to America. Maybe it's because in America the commitment is so set in stone: You get married, you move into the suburbs, you buy a car and have dogs. It does not have to be that. It can be something else. Even in the midst of all this Bible thumping and warmongering, and all these old-fashioned so-called family values, you can so totally choose to make your life the way you want it.
Confess, repent, and beg forgiveness
And if you've done nothing wrong, confess, repent, and beg forgiveness for everything everybody else has done before you met her.
Reassure her that you're in no way like every other man
Whenever your friends say, "Let's go and see a ball game," pretend you don't want to go with them but they are forcing you. That in reality you are that one sensitive guy who somehow gets along with all the insensitive guys. That you have to be there to help them out, because think of the trouble they would get in with their wives if you weren't. That makes you the good guy.
Never buy a pre-made bouquet of flowers
Go to the florist and select the flowers that you actually like.
Don't be her savior
I don't think that it's right for a woman to expect a man to be able to take care of shit if she's not able to take care of her own shit. You know, go out and get your f---ing career—I'm talking to women—take care of yourself, pay your own bills, and stop looking for some guy who's going to do it for you. And that will probably change a lot of the "fear of commitment" thing.
Stick together
If you travel a lot, then you should find somebody who has absolutely no job and can travel with you. Not being together is the recipe for not having a relationship. Sooner or later, it's not going to work, unless you find somebody who doesn't need love and affection. And if she doesn't need love and affection, I'd worry about other things.
When your mother calls, try to sound happy
When her mother calls, try to sound ecstatic.
Surprise her
For an ideal date, take her to do something she's never done before. That can be anything from a boxing match to mud wrestling to some classical Greek theatrical music that no one has ever played before. But preferably it should be something you know something about. Also, at least one dinner out a week. That's a must.
Disagree
Whenever she says, "Oh, look at my arms" or "Look at my legs," or if she says she has a fat ass, never say it's true. You never, ever say, "I don't care." You never ever say, "I know, but you can work on it." And you don't say it doesn't matter to you. You say you love tallness, you love skinniness, you love big noses, small noses—whatever it is she's got a problem with; you say you just happen to be a guy who loves that very thing she thinks is horrible. And if it's not true, then lie.
Make her feel beautiful, and she will become beautiful
There's nothing like being loved and cared for to make a woman feel beautiful. And a woman who doesn't appreciate that—let her go.
Posted by The Correspondent
on 02:51. Filed under