This is one New Year’s resolution you will be keeping. It will only take you a day, but the benefits will last a lifetime. Start with a balance sheet. This is going to become your personal yardstick of where you are financially, where you’ve come from and where you’re going. First, list all your assets, from your house and car to every investment and policy you have, not forgetting your current pension balance. Apart from providing a clearer idea of how much you’ve accumulated, it’s also a helpful list for your beneficiaries should you ever get run over by a bus. Next, list all your liabilities, from the outstanding balances on your car and house to your credit card and overdraft facility. Now you can determine your net financial worth and set financial goals to both reduce the liabilities and increase the assets. Each year, you will see your financial balance sheet improve and you can notch it up along with your children’s heights on the door.

Set a date for when you plan to be bond-free. Pay an additional amount into your bond each month to make the liabilities shrink faster. And have a financial plan in place to boost the asset side of your balance sheet. What do you want that asset column to reflect in five years’ time? Set annual targets so you know if you’re on track. Calculate how much you will need for retirement. Do you need to increase your retirement contributions? Remember, you’re likely to live 30 years post-retirement. Your broker should be able to provide you with a spreadsheet to calculate your savings requirements. Alternately, Old Mutual provides an online retirement calculator. Go to oldmutual.co.za, click on “personal”, look for the “retirement planning” heading and click on the retirement calculator. If you’re saving for your child’s education, know the target. How much is his or her education going to cost? If you’re looking at private education, take today’s school fees and increase them by 12 percent per year.

Have there been marriages, divorces, births, deaths? These all have an impact on your financial plan. Do you need to amend your will? According to Berrie Botha, CEO of Sanlam Trust, if you die three months subsequent to a divorce without changing your will, your ex-spouse will still inherit your entire estate if she was your sole heir throughout the marriage. You also need to adjust your estate planning in line with tax changes. For the 2007/2008 tax year, the primary deduction for estate duty increased from R2.5-million to R3.5-million and the capital gains tax exclusion for estates increased from R60 000 to R120 000. Do these changes impact on your list of life cover and pension fund beneficiaries? Do you have enough to provide for your dependants now that you realise how much school fees will set you back? If you’ve had a promotion, do you need to adjust your retirement funds as a result? Have you bought expensive electronic equipment or made renovations to your home that will affect your insurance premiums? According to Santam, up to 40 percent of shortterm insurance policyholders are underinsured by up to 45 percent and are putting themselves at risk. Caroline da Silva, head of portfolio management at Santam, says this means that a policyholder will only receive partial compensation after submitting an insurance claim. For example, the replacement value of your house’s contents is R200 000, but the sum insured is just R110 000, and during a burglary R20 000 worth of goods is stolen. Because you are underinsured by 45 percent, only 55 percent of the loss, that is R11 000, will be paid out. “Due to the fact that crime is top of mind when insuring,” says Da Silva, “we often only insure for what we think may be stolen in the event of a burglary.” But insurance is comprehensive, so you need to insure for what it would cost you to replace everything you own should your house burn down in a fire. The couch you bought five years ago for R1 500 might now cost R3 000 to replace. The contents of a house are insured at replacement value (vehicles are insured at market value); so, you have to revise your policy at least annually to ensure your cover remains adequate. When insuring the actual bricks and mortar of your home, bear in mind the current-day building costs since it is these costs that will be incurred when repairing damage. Draw up an inventory yourself or employ the services of a professional broker who can assist in a valuation.

Do your investments reflect your current needs and risk profile? Tony Barrett, head of wealth management at BJM Private Client Services, says that people are assessing their risk incorrectly. In addition, their advisors are often too conservative in their fund selection. If you’re under 40, you can afford to take a higher risk portfolio because you have time before you retire, which lowers the risk of equities. Equities are the best way to keep up with inflation, yet some brokers tend to be too but, if we’re losing money, we hold onto it in the hopes that it will recover. Speak to your brokers and, if they give a thumbs down, cut your losses. It’s also a good time to review your investment advisor. If you’ve been unhappy with their service or performance, get a second opinion.

Consolidate your investments and your debt. You’ve picked up several RAs, unit trusts and life policies along the way. Review them and consolidate into a few key investments. By having more than one RA, you’re not only paying additional debit order costs, but also more admin fees. The same applies with life cover. Flexible funds are a good option as the fund manager takes care of asset allocation decisions when they become concerned about market volatility. Consolidating also makes it easier to keep track of your returns. Consolidating debt is a buzzword at the moment, but if used effectively it can help you pay off your debt faster. If you owe less on your house than what it’s worth, you can increase your bond and settle expensive short-term debt like your credit card and car payments. The key is not to spread your payments over 20 years. On a car loan of R100 000 at one percent above prime (15 percent), your repayments will be around R2 350. Over five years, that would cost you R140 980. If you took R100 000 from your bond (at 12.5 percent) to settle the loan and still paid off the R100 000 in five years, you would reduce your payments to R2 230, saving yourself over R100 a month, but the cost of the total loan would be R133 600, a saving of over R7 000. If you paid the R100 000 off over 20 years, your monthly repayments would fall to R1 124, but would cost you R269 860 in total.

Are you getting a good deal on your home loan? In the UK, people view their mortgages as commodities and review their rates every year. As your salary increases along with the value of your house, you could qualify for a better interest rate. If you’re looking to consolidate, it’s an opportunity to shop around. The drawback is that there are costs involved which the mortgage provider can capitalise into the loan and you need to ensure that switching cost doesn’t negate the benefits of the lower rate. According to Simon Stockley, head of new mortgage provider Integer, you shouldn’t consider switching if you’re not going to be in your existing property for a period of three years as it generally takes 18 months to recoup the costs of the switch. Finally, do your homework before committing to a new lender.

Why Do Men Fall Asleep After Sex?
the duo who created the bestseller "Why Do Men Have Nipples?" explain everything you always wanted to know about the differences between men and women but would only ask a doctor after your third whiskey sour

It's 9 a.m. Leyner and I are sitting in our office, awaiting our first patients. It is not the way most medical practices start, but we are an unconventional pair.

I'm a practicing physician at Bellevue Hospital and NYU Medical Center. Leyner is what we in the medical trade call sui generis, his own species -- a novelist, a humorist, and a man who once told me that suffering a petit mal seizure was "like someone downloading the aurora borealis straight into my anal sac -- the place where I make my musk."

Last year, after writing a bestseller together, we decided to go into practice. But Leyner's BA in English and master's in creative writing hardly qualified him to treat patients, and his adamant refusal to seek medical education didn't help matters. (During a heated discussion of the issue, he smashed a printer we'd just purchased for our makeshift office and scrawled an adolescent vulgarity on a print of Van Gogh's Sunflowers hanging in the hallway.)

We finally agreed that if Dr. Phil could practice psychology over the airwaves, why couldn't we offer our own brand of counseling services to some unsuspecting drop-ins? This would preclude the need for degrees, and I figured it was a way to keep medical instruments out of Leyner's emotionally unstable grasp.

Our first patients were a young couple. The woman was attractive and conservatively dressed and seemed somewhat despondent. Her husband, dragging behind, seemed more interested in the defaced painting in the hallway than in being here to address "issues" with his inexplicably unfulfilled wife.

"Who wrote 'Sniff My Crotch' on the Van Gogh out there?" he asked as he took a seat next to his wife. "I love it!!!" he guffawed, slapping his thighs.

His wife grimaced with chagrin. "You see," she said, "I married a philistine and a troglodyte."

"Insult me in English, you pretentious bitch!" the husband replied. As I turned to the fuming couple, I asked them to role-play with us. Leyner embraced the opportunity to play wife to the man.

The husband looked at the beaming Leyner and said, "It's always the things that I don't do that you complain about. I feel like you don't appreciate the things that I do. I barbecue, I take out the garbage, I even put down the toilet seat. What do you want me to do, lactate?"

Leyner rose from his chair red-faced, tears welling in his eyes, spittle flying from his mouth as he gesticulated with melodramatic hysteria. "Bastard! You murdered my youth, and now you're drowning my soul in your vile bullshit. You make love to me as if I were some inflatable doll -- pumping for a minute or two while you watch SportsCenter and then losing consciousness. You're torturing me...I hate you. I hate you!!!" Tears streamed down Leyner's face as he wept uncontrollably.

So much for role-playing. It seems that there is no easy solution, but here is our attempt to explain our biological differences and usher in a new age of understanding between men and women.

Can men lactate?

You can't write a book called Why Do Men Have Nipples? without getting a question about lactating men. This one came during a radio interview when an irate caller insisted that a man could nurse his own child. We argued with him, but there was no convincing this guy (Winston, are you reading this?) that he couldn't nurse one day.

Here's the truth. The mammary glands of human males can produce milk, but certainly not enough to feed a child. Usually, male milk production results from a pathological condition. The most common cause of man-milk is a prolactin-secreting tumor, or prolactinoma, in the pituitary gland. Prolactin is a hormone that stimulates milk production in women. Overproduction of prolactin may also be caused by some drugs, including phenothiazines, certain drugs given for high blood pressure (especially methyldopa), opioids, and even licorice.

Another cause of male lactation is the hormonal treatments used in men who are suffering from prostate cancer. Doctors prescribe female hormones to decrease the growth of the prostate, but these can also cause milk production, or what in medical circles is called galactorrhea.

Extreme starvation can make men lactate, too. (This has been observed in prisoners of war.) It is also possible for males to induce lactation through constant massage and stimulation of the nipple for a long period of time.

Then there is the fruit bat. Only one male mammal, the Dayak fruit bat, is known to produce milk.

So, if you are a male fruit bat with prostate cancer who likes to massage his own nipples and you happen to be a prisoner of war -- let the nursing begin.

Why do women pee more than men?

Any man who has taken a car trip with a woman must wonder whether her need for constant rest stops is the result of a genetic difference, water consumption, or a vicious plan to throw him off schedule.

If you happened to be leafing through the February 5, 2005, issue of the Journal of Urology, you could begin to find an answer. Doctors reviewed 24-hour "urinary diaries" of both men and women and recorded fluid intake and urinary frequency. They found that women do pee more often than men, but not because they drink more.

In general, men have higher fluid intake but don't need to go as often. When they finally feel the urge, they tend to pee higher volumes than women each time they go. The reason: larger bladder capacity. Women are also more likely to suffer from overactive-bladder syndrome, which makes them go even more. No wonder the line is always longer at the girls' room.

Why do men fall asleep after sex?

There is no single, definitive scientific explanation for this age-old conundrum. But if you think about it long enough, the sex -- sleep connection makes sense, particularly when you consider that many men have their first orgasms while unconscious. Wet dreams, nocturnal tumescence, morning erections...When all is said and done, we may not be much better than praying mantises: The males keep copulating even after they're decapitated by their lovers.

After orgasm, both men and women release the chemicals oxytocin, prolactin, gamma amino butyric acid (GABA), and endorphins. Each of these contributes to that roll-over-and-snore feeling. The hormone oxytocin is known to have several effects, including establishment of maternal behavior, stimulation of uterine smooth-muscle contraction at birth, and stimulation of milk ejection (milk letdown). It is also referred to as the "cuddling hormone" because it tends to elicit the need to be close and bond. In one study, oxytocin was shown to inhibit male sexual behavior in prairie voles. Maybe it's the oxytocin that makes us feel satiated and rested.

Prolactin is another player in the sex/sleep saga. It is produced in the pituitary gland, and its best-known function is the stimulation of milk production. Prolactin is believed to relieve sexual arousal after orgasm and take your mind off sex. Levels of prolactin rise during sleep, and some patients with prolactin-secreting tumors report sleepiness. So prolactin seems like it may be a culprit.

GABA and endorphins also both have a calming effect and may make you pass out after sex. So why does the postcoital snooze seem to be so much more a man thing? This may come as quite a shock to some of you self-annointed Don Juans, but whereas men are known to ejaculate in various semicomatose states, such as during prostate exams and while thumbing through dog-eared issues of National Geographic magazine, women -- believe it or not! -- don't always have orgasms during sex, and that keeps them from producing all those other hormones.

Can women have wet dreams?

Sorry, Virginia, there is no Santa Claus, but women can have wet dreams or, more specifically, nocturnal orgasms -- and that may be better than finding a cashmere sweater under your tree.

Alfred Kinsey, the famous sex researcher, found that nocturnal orgasms were reported by 90 percent of the men but less than 40 percent of the women in his studies. The Bible has several references to male nocturnal emissions but doesn't specifically address female nocturnal orgasms.

Are men better than women at math?

Danger! Danger! Answering this question incorrectly may provoke our wives to beat us with the infamous Teen Talk Barbie that was programmed to say, "Math is hard!"

So here are some facts.

The brains of men and women are definitely different. Women's brains are generally about 10 percent smaller than men's, but this is meaningless when it comes to intelligence. Men and women show no disparity in general intelligence. There are areas where there are some slight variances. Women are better at visual memory and mathematical calculation and get better school grades in math. Men, however, are better at mentally rotating shapes and mathematical problem solving, and they score higher on word problems.

In the interest of gender harmony, let's create a new politically correct, asexual Barbie who says something neutral like "Cognitively rotating abstract shapes can be a daunting task. I prefer mathematical calculation and more linguistically complex and empathy-centered forms of interpersonal communication."

To begin with, women have wider airways (as in circumference), so if there is any obstruction, there's a chance the air passing through will not be as likely to hit the structures as it would in men's airways. Additionally, women's airways are less prone to collapse than men's, and that works in the ladies' favor, as far as snoring is concerned.

When men put on weight, they tend to put it on around the neck, whereas women put it on around the hips. The fatty tissue around the neck literally squeezes the airways closed so air can't pass through smoothly. It may hit the structures within the throat and vibrate them, causing the noise we know as snoring.

Smoking and drinking also lead to increased snoring. In general, women smoke and drink less than men and therefore don't suffer the snoring consequences.

Which is more dangerous: douching or barbecuing?

Who knew you were putting yourself in harm's way every time you put on an apron that reads, "Will Grill for Sex"?

However, studies have found two types of cancer-causing agents formed during barbecuing. These are polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbons (PAHs) and heterocyclic amines (HCAs). PAHs are formed in smoke, and since they are found on the surface of the meat, they can be more easily scraped off. The main PAH from barbecuing is benzopyrene.

HCAs are found inside the meat. They are caused by high temperatures and can be formed in the frying pan or oven, as well as the grill.

Don't worry, there's still hope for all you backyard big shots. Here are some healthy grilling tips:

• Marinate.

• Precook food before grilling. This reduces the exposure to high heat, and you can drain fat so there's less dripping and smoking.

• Flip often.

• Cook at lower temperatures.

• Don't cook directly over coals.

• Limit use of the lid to reduce cooking in smoke.

• Remove blackened parts or chicken skin.

Speaking of marinade, your lady might be putting herself at risk, too, if she flushes herself with a vinegar-and-water solution. Sure, douching may be less prevalent than it was when the airwaves were pounded with the image of a daughter asking her mother if she ever gets that "not-so-fresh feeling."

But Massengill and Summer's Eve douche products are still being sold -- even though vaginal douching has been linked to a number of adverse health conditions, including bacterial and yeast infections, pelvic inflammatory disease (PID), ectopic pregnancy, preterm birth, reduced fertility, and increased susceptibility to sexually transmitted diseases.

Remember, there is no need to use any fancy grooming products; the vagina is a self-cleaning oven.

This is one New Year’s resolution you will be keeping. It will only take you a day, but the benefits will last a lifetime. Start with a balance sheet. This is going to become your personal yardstick of where you are financially, where you’ve come from and where you’re going. First, list all your assets, from your house and car to every investment and policy you have, not forgetting your current pension balance. Apart from providing a clearer idea of how much you’ve accumulated, it’s also a helpful list for your beneficiaries should you ever get run over by a bus. Next, list all your liabilities, from the outstanding balances on your car and house to your credit card and overdraft facility. Now you can determine your net financial worth and set financial goals to both reduce the liabilities and increase the assets. Each year, you will see your financial balance sheet improve and you can notch it up along with your children’s heights on the door.

Set a date for when you plan to be bond-free. Pay an additional amount into your bond each month to make the liabilities shrink faster. And have a financial plan in place to boost the asset side of your balance sheet. What do you want that asset column to reflect in five years’ time? Set annual targets so you know if you’re on track. Calculate how much you will need for retirement. Do you need to increase your retirement contributions? Remember, you’re likely to live 30 years post-retirement. Your broker should be able to provide you with a spreadsheet to calculate your savings requirements. Alternately, Old Mutual provides an online retirement calculator. Go to oldmutual.co.za, click on “personal”, look for the “retirement planning” heading and click on the retirement calculator. If you’re saving for your child’s education, know the target. How much is his or her education going to cost? If you’re looking at private education, take today’s school fees and increase them by 12 percent per year.

Have there been marriages, divorces, births, deaths? These all have an impact on your financial plan. Do you need to amend your will? According to Berrie Botha, CEO of Sanlam Trust, if you die three months subsequent to a divorce without changing your will, your ex-spouse will still inherit your entire estate if she was your sole heir throughout the marriage. You also need to adjust your estate planning in line with tax changes. For the 2007/2008 tax year, the primary deduction for estate duty increased from R2.5-million to R3.5-million and the capital gains tax exclusion for estates increased from R60 000 to R120 000. Do these changes impact on your list of life cover and pension fund beneficiaries? Do you have enough to provide for your dependants now that you realise how much school fees will set you back? If you’ve had a promotion, do you need to adjust your retirement funds as a result? Have you bought expensive electronic equipment or made renovations to your home that will affect your insurance premiums? According to Santam, up to 40 percent of shortterm insurance policyholders are underinsured by up to 45 percent and are putting themselves at risk. Caroline da Silva, head of portfolio management at Santam, says this means that a policyholder will only receive partial compensation after submitting an insurance claim. For example, the replacement value of your house’s contents is R200 000, but the sum insured is just R110 000, and during a burglary R20 000 worth of goods is stolen. Because you are underinsured by 45 percent, only 55 percent of the loss, that is R11 000, will be paid out. “Due to the fact that crime is top of mind when insuring,” says Da Silva, “we often only insure for what we think may be stolen in the event of a burglary.” But insurance is comprehensive, so you need to insure for what it would cost you to replace everything you own should your house burn down in a fire. The couch you bought five years ago for R1 500 might now cost R3 000 to replace. The contents of a house are insured at replacement value (vehicles are insured at market value); so, you have to revise your policy at least annually to ensure your cover remains adequate. When insuring the actual bricks and mortar of your home, bear in mind the current-day building costs since it is these costs that will be incurred when repairing damage. Draw up an inventory yourself or employ the services of a professional broker who can assist in a valuation.

Do your investments reflect your current needs and risk profile? Tony Barrett, head of wealth management at BJM Private Client Services, says that people are assessing their risk incorrectly. In addition, their advisors are often too conservative in their fund selection. If you’re under 40, you can afford to take a higher risk portfolio because you have time before you retire, which lowers the risk of equities. Equities are the best way to keep up with inflation, yet some brokers tend to be too but, if we’re losing money, we hold onto it in the hopes that it will recover. Speak to your brokers and, if they give a thumbs down, cut your losses. It’s also a good time to review your investment advisor. If you’ve been unhappy with their service or performance, get a second opinion.

Consolidate your investments and your debt. You’ve picked up several RAs, unit trusts and life policies along the way. Review them and consolidate into a few key investments. By having more than one RA, you’re not only paying additional debit order costs, but also more admin fees. The same applies with life cover. Flexible funds are a good option as the fund manager takes care of asset allocation decisions when they become concerned about market volatility. Consolidating also makes it easier to keep track of your returns. Consolidating debt is a buzzword at the moment, but if used effectively it can help you pay off your debt faster. If you owe less on your house than what it’s worth, you can increase your bond and settle expensive short-term debt like your credit card and car payments. The key is not to spread your payments over 20 years. On a car loan of R100 000 at one percent above prime (15 percent), your repayments will be around R2 350. Over five years, that would cost you R140 980. If you took R100 000 from your bond (at 12.5 percent) to settle the loan and still paid off the R100 000 in five years, you would reduce your payments to R2 230, saving yourself over R100 a month, but the cost of the total loan would be R133 600, a saving of over R7 000. If you paid the R100 000 off over 20 years, your monthly repayments would fall to R1 124, but would cost you R269 860 in total.

Are you getting a good deal on your home loan? In the UK, people view their mortgages as commodities and review their rates every year. As your salary increases along with the value of your house, you could qualify for a better interest rate. If you’re looking to consolidate, it’s an opportunity to shop around. The drawback is that there are costs involved which the mortgage provider can capitalise into the loan and you need to ensure that switching cost doesn’t negate the benefits of the lower rate. According to Simon Stockley, head of new mortgage provider Integer, you shouldn’t consider switching if you’re not going to be in your existing property for a period of three years as it generally takes 18 months to recoup the costs of the switch. Finally, do your homework before committing to a new lender.

The Hangover 2 sees Phil (Bradley Cooper), Stu (Ed Helms), Alan (Zach Galifianakis) and Doug (Justin Bartha) travelling to Thailand for Stu’s wedding. After the unforgettable bachelor party in Las Vegas, Stu is taking no chances and has opted for a safe, subdued pre-wedding brunch. However, things don’t always go as planned. Liam Neeson also appears at some point as a tattoo artist.

Warner Bros. has released the second movie trailer for The Hangover 2 and it looks just like the first film, but set in Thailand and with a monkey. Even Ken Jeong is back as Mr. Chow!

Some people declare difficulty with the formulation “I pray to God”, as they find it ludicrous to state as a certainty that God exists. I have no doubt of God’s existence, but I doubt my own. Not to burden a legitimately self-occupied reader with my own dreary problems, but I’ve never been quite sure that I exist; and have always considered myself, at best, a figment of someone’s imagination. As that imagination cannot (as per supra) be my own, imagine my consternation. Work both distracts and fulfils me.

It brings me great joy. But this joy, yet again, is that of non-existence. In work I am happy, as I am subsumed, and, so, again, “not there”. I am sure many philosophers (the bulk, no doubt, German) have felt as I, and have expressed themselves, if not more cogently, at least in longer or more compounded words. I have felt fairly certain that I exist in dealing with my children, their needs taking precedence – at most times – over my troubled state; and with women.

I like women. I have a perfect marriage; most of my colleagues, over the years, have been women. I think I get along with them, in the main, better than I do with men. I find it easier to spend extended time with women than with men. This essay prompts me to ask why, and to respond that, I believe, it is because I feel they do not care if, in fact, I exist.

Women, to me, are much more interesting than men, who run to type with a depressing regularity.

And there is seldom a male interchange free of invidious comparison. Who, each assesses, is wealthier, smarter, stronger? Women make such assessments, too, but of the man per se, not of the man as a potential adversary.

Perhaps this is why I find their company so restful.

Then, there is sex. Call me limited, but I still find it astonishing: that a woman would allow or desire me to do that...?

This may be attributable to the sclerotic self-image described above. For, indeed, I have known men who take women’s sexuality completely as a matter of course.

Many of these men have been that which an earlier age described as “successful with women”.

This is not to say that I have not behaved boorishly, or even inexcusably, with women. I have, and, should I roast in hell, it will be with a sense of justice served.

But these men I write of were, notably, devoid of that sense of gratitude mentioned above.

I don’t know whether success was due to straightforward bluntness or relief on the part of their women. Perhaps to both.

Perhaps the men were as those Polynesian islanders of the Bounty Era who, sailors related, took sex truly as a matter of course. Perhaps these successful men were untouched by a sense of gratitude. Perhaps this freed them to act in a manner, finally, more responsible than my own.

In any case, my particular experience of women, neurotic or whole, has been of their generosity.

Perhaps I simply find it erotic; but, then, what is the difference? Great US philosopher Eric Hoffer wrote this in his seventies, mourning the coming of age and the attendant passage of the “magic glow of desire”.

We live in a world curiously prudish and puritan. Sexuality may be decried as licence or permitted as pornography. But it cannot simply be acknowledged. That a word has “sex” in it, and that one may pronounce it is, in these times, an erotic adventure.

’Twas said of old that two of the world’s most beautiful sights are fear in a man’s eyes and desire in a woman’s. Each, of course, indicates surrender. This is a display of a different order than mere acquiescence – we may find gratification in acquiescence, but we will not find beauty. Men do not surrender well. Their capitulation, in these dishonest times, usually has in it an element of sullen reserve: “But wait ’til next time.” The Japanese swordmasters wrote of a state of conquest called “to hold down the pillow”. Here, the beaten opponent is, spiritually, rendered unable to raise his head to look upon his victor; he has been truly subdued. This opponent has made the ultimate acknowledgment: that his life is no longer his own. The woman overcome by desire has, similarly, if only temporarily, pledged her life.

For the period of erotic transport she has removed herself, and, so, her lover, from the sad hypocrisy of the world and its endless negotiations.

Here, rather than triumph, a transient and reversible emotion, the attendant may feel awe.

The magic of women is their frankness.

Men are, in the main, prevaricating, temporising and pathetic creatures. We do not deal well with loss, success or change. Women seem to handle these more effectively.

Perhaps this is an effect of their less equivocating biology: pregnant is pregnant, for all of our contemporary fascination with sanctimony.

Speaking of which, our modern temporal religion has set out, as do all religions, to regulate sex.

Our effort lacks both the mystery of the Catholic and the rationality of the Jewish faith. It is just good old-fashioned wish fulfilment: Canute has commanded the sea, and the sea will, of course, obey.

But, as the Christians and the Jews have long known, the sea will continue to be its own master – we will be both driven and driven mad by our sexual urges, and reiterating failed commands will not increase their efficacy.

Unsanctioned sex and sex acts are shameful and have implications, we’re told. Everyone, meanwhile, continues doing what comes naturally – but, perhaps, with increased anxiety, and, so, diminished joy.

In our day, we are deprived of the frankness of a Mme de Staël and that of Pee-wee Herman: those things not specifically allowed are forbidden. What a dreary prospect.

How grateful, then, is frankness. It is the most charming of feminine characteristics.

When coupled with simplicity, it may be known as freshness; with experience, sophistication.

It makes bearable the pain of bad, and increases the happiness of good, news. It is the very opposite of pomposity, encouraging the hearer towards an unencumbered world view, and it is particularly the province of women, and of the good woman most especially.

Proverbs 31 is known as “The Woman of Valour” and is traditionally read by the Jewish husband every Sabbath to his wife. It enumerates frugality, temperance, circumspection and application as among the virtues of the good woman. But I was puzzled by this verse: “Her husband is known in the Gates when he sits among the elders of the Land.” Why should the accomplishments of the husband be found in a poem dedicated to those of the wife? Pondering at length, I have coupled my question to an observation. We know of the man perhaps overlooked or ill-valued; a slight acquaintance or colleague, perhaps. We later meet his wife and find her to be without blemish: straightforward, upright, strong, considerate and kind. We reason that if this woman found the man acceptable, he must possess virtues unrevealed by our cursory examination. And he is, thus, known in the gates because of his election by his wife. I have found in women the magic to inform, to reform, to incite, to instruct. It may be that I have been fortunate in my associations (as I have, indeed) and that a mindlessly egalitarian sensibility might condemn my experiences as “anecdotal”, which is to say unscientific; but, then, I am not writing about science, but magic.

Put a fresh spin on these five overrated acts—and enjoy scorching-hot sex

By Carolyn Kylstra, Posted Date: April 10, 2011

You're great in bed. You give her head-tossing, thigh-quaking, bedsheet-gripping orgasms. You're open-minded, too, which keeps things interesting. But admit it: Once in a while you try a bit too hard, throwing down moves that, frankly, flop.

You're not alone. We've all heard plenty of misinformation about which techniques are truly hot and which are best left on the porn set. "Men have ideas about what sex should be like, but some of those ideas are impractical and very limiting," says sex educator Lou Paget, author of The Great Lover Playbook.

Take marathon sex. It sounds great, but nobody wants to make love for that long in real life. And how about those classic body-entangling attempts at simultaneous stimulation? More awkward than amazing, our experts say. So shelve those strategies and try our smarter, sexier alternatives, which can take your bedroom game from great to greatest.

Old move: Sex in the shower

In the movies, the scenes always look terrific—soaking-wet bodies in slow motion, dripping with passion. But tubs and tiles can be slippery, and water washes away natural lubrication. Add to that the already complicated logistics of stand-up sex: If you and your partner don't have the perfect height disparity, someone's going to be attempting a precarious tiptoe maneuver. And finally, there's the space problem. Unless you have a titanic tub or a supersized shower, you'll both be constantly bumping into cold, hard surfaces.

Do this instead: Let water be your warmup

Paget recommends doing everything in the shower except having intercourse. You can wash each other or perform oral or manual sex, but reserve penetration for when the shower's over. Still not convinced? Then you'll need to adjust your expectations about standup shower sex—and come prepared. If you're committed to trying full-on intercourse, redirect the showerhead away from your bodies after you've both become aroused, or just step out of its path. And have lubricant handy. Or if you're in a tub shower, just try sex sitting down, suggests Stephen Braveman, a licensed marriage and family therapist and the author of CPR for Your Sex Life: How to Breathe Life into a Dead, Dying or Dull Sex Life. You'll spare yourself the potential calamity of an ill-timed slip or slide.

Old move: Finding her G-spot

The oft-repeated instruction for finding the famed G-spot involves inserting your finger about 2 inches inside her vagina and making a come-hither motion with that finger, pressing it against the top of her vaginal wall, says Yvonne K. Fulbright, Ph.D., a sex educator and the author of The Better Sex Guide to Extraordinary Lovemaking. But not all women enjoy G-spot stimulation. In a controversial study from early 2010, researchers at King's College London asked 1,804 twins if they had a G-spot. Forty-four percent of the women said they didn't, and there was no correlation between twins' answers, suggesting that your focused attention on a single spot may not, in fact, guarantee an orgasm for her.

Do this instead: Play the piano

Instead of trying to push a single button, so to speak, think about broadening your coverage. "The sensitive area can be higher, lower, or to the side, and its size can vary from that of a pinky fingernail to a 50-cent coin," Fulbright says. You should also tailor your technique—speed, pressure, and angle of approach—to the woman you're with. "For some women, a massaging motion might be better; for others, tapping might work best," she says. "Put your index and middle finger into the area and rock them back and forth. Keep your fingers flat and straight, and vary your pressure." Pretend you're playing two keys on a piano, Fulbright suggests, but without curving your fingers.

Old move: Sexual Twister
Whether you're on the giving end or receiving end, oral sex is indisputably awesome. So what could be better than enjoying both at the same time? The famed 69 can certainly be a thrill—the first time, anyway—but in general it's complicated, uncomfortable, and distracting. "The anticipated outcome is a mutual orgasm," says Eric Marlowe Garrison, M.Sc., a sexuality counselor and the author of Mastering Multiple Position Sex. "But most of the time, you're concentrating so much on what's going on in front of your face that you're not able to become aroused yourself—or vice versa." Plus, you're both in constant motion, which decreases the likelihood that either of you will receive the precise pressure that works. "Her head movements will move her entire body," says Paget. "That makes it harder for you to tame her sensitive spots." Multitasking during oral sex means the experience won't be particularly awesome for at least one of you.

Do this instead: Roll over
Lie on your side facing your mate's lower half, and rest your head on her inner thigh. Have her do the same. Paget points out that stimulating each other while on your sides allows for more subtle and targeted motions. Another idea: Ditch the whole idea of simultaneous oral sex and go back to taking turns. But this time, try new angles to add variety. Perform oral sex on each other while standing against a wall. If she's on the receiving end, have her drape her leg over your shoulder to help ease your access, and if your tongue gets tired, Paget says, use your fingers and lips, and even your nose.

Old move: Marathon sex
The musician Sting is rumored to have hours-long Tantric sex with his wife. But according to his daughter, the rumor is false; it was started as a joke by his friend. In reality, most women don't want to have intercourse for longer than a few minutes. A survey of sex therapists in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that 7 to 13 minutes is "desirable"; and our own surveys have found that most women don't want intercourse to last longer than 20 minutes. This might shock you, especially if you're the kind of guy who's spent years trying to learn how to last longer. The truth is that most of the time it's going to take much more than just intercourse to heat her up and send her over the top.

Do this instead: Build and plateau
Varied action will drive her crazy. "The majority of women would rather have intense stimulation for a shorter period of time than continuous and unending sensation," Paget says. Men and women reach orgasm through different paths. While a man's arousal is like a pyramid, continuously growing until climax, "a woman's arousal is like a staircase. She needs to build, plateau, build, plateau," says Paget. This means you'll need to mix it up a bit. "Get out of the genital sex mode and into the sex play mode," Garrison says. "Many people think oral sex has to come before penetration. Instead, use lots of sex play in general—kissing, squeezing, oral sex, and so on. And do this before, during, after, or even in lieu of penetration." The great news here is that you can still have sex for hours, as long as you think of sex as any time spent rolling around naked together rather than just intercourse.

Old move: Messy endings
One particular move has taken hold among guys, thanks to its ubiquity in various pornography outlets: ejaculating onto her body. "It's often interpreted as a power dynamic, indicating that the man has power over the woman, and it can be interpreted as disrespectful," Fulbright says. That said, not all women think it's derogatory or humiliating. "Some couples use it as a form of birth control, and some women like seeing their man ejaculate because it's a physical sign of his pleasure," Fulbright says. It's also an obvious alternative resolution for oral sex. It can be messy, though. Ultimately, the key is to discuss it with your girlfriend or wife ahead of time. "A man can simply ask his partner where he should finish," Garrison says.

Do this instead: Finish first
If she's not into having you ejaculate on her body—and for many women, the subject isn't negotiable—rewrite your sexual script so you can enjoy the thrill of it without offending her. You can still ejaculate externally elsewhere—on a towel, for instance—but only if your orgasm doesn't signal the end of all sexual activities. "The trouble is that we associate orgasm with finality—that when a man orgasms, sex is over," Garrison says. "A woman might be more inclined to allow you to ejaculate externally if she knows that it's not necessarily the end of the encounter," he says. "If she feels you'll continue with her, and maybe have a second round together, then external ejaculation could become a part of sex and not the period at the end of the sentence." Instead, Garrison says, act like it's the semicolon.

The exclamation mark? That comes when you're both fully satisfied.

Knight And Day Tom Cruise New Movie Trailer: Despite it having just been a holiday weekend both here and in the US, with movie news largely slowing to a sickly trickle, someone clearly thought that it was the opportune time to let a load of trailers out of their cages. Now the team behind Tom Cruise/Cameron Diaz action comedy Knight And Day have done the same.
This isn’t exactly what we’d call a whole “new” promo, since it largely features footage we’ve seen before (Diaz talking about the plane crash to Marc Blucas, Cruise showing up, the car stunts, the bulls etc) with just a few additional moments inserted here and there and some funky music. It’s a little bit longer, but we’re hoping it’s a healthy sign of more to see in the finished film that there’s so much repetition of previous beats here.Should you need the plot synopsis again, the movie finds a woman (Diaz) who randomly meets a somewhat eccentric and decidedly lethal secret agent who, she’s soon informed, has suffered some sort of paranoid breakdown and is convinced of a big conspiracy. But the longer she spends time with him, the more she realises that he might just have a point…